What About Dad?

The father benefits in many ways from the doula. He may find that the doula's presence relaxes him and gives him more confidence. With a doula present, the pressure on the father is reduced. She helps him remember what he may have learned in childbirth classes and may make suggestions to him on laboring positions that he can do with his wife. The doula is someone that has made the journey of childbirth herself and as acted as a guide for numerous other mothers and couples as they make their way through their labor and birth. Fathers often feel relieved when they can rely on the doula for help.

Many expectant fathers may not be receptive to the idea of another person 'helping' the mother when he believes coaching is his responsibility. Doulas do not take over for the father, but help to make an intimate atmosphere for the couple to birth in by allowing the partner to completely be there to love the woman during childbirth and to provide additional support. The doula's experience, expertise and woman's touch serves to supplement the love that the father has for the mother, which the doula can never match.

Some men prefer to be there only to witness the birth of their child and to share this experience with the woman they love. They may not want to play an active role or be responsible for the woman's comfort and emotional security. The doula can fill in and so that the partner can participate as he wishes and at his own comfort level, without leaving the woman's needs unmet.

But when the partner chooses to be the major source of emotional support, the doula can supplement his or her efforts by running errands, making suggestions for comfort measures, and offering words of reassurance. A doula will not take over as the primary caregiver or support unless that is what the laboring couple requests

The doula and the father can support the mother together. She may rub her back while the father keeps eye contact with her coaxing and encouraging her through the contraction. Or the doula can help the mother mentally and emotionally with the contraction while the daddy supplies the muscle work, massaging her shoulders or back. Childbirth is an emotional as well as a physical process. If labor becomes long or difficult, he can step out for a moment and take a breather or grab a bite to eat knowing that his partner is still receiving constant attention and is still being supported.

The use of a doula can actually bring the couple closer. As the doula makes sure that the partner's needs are met (food, drink, reassurance and breaks) the mother and her partner can work more closely together. The combined contributions of partner and doula, along with a competent, considerate and caring staff, give the woman the best chance of an optimal outcome. Most importantly a doula allows the partner to be there more fully to love and offer support to the woman while in childbirth. It is a doula's goal to serve the couple in such as way as to enhance their relationship.

In summary, fathers need doulas, too. Birth is a family social event. The doula helps make the birth experience as rewarding and satisfying as possible. A doula helps normalize birth for fathers, partners and family members who are present. She supports the family so they can love and support the laboring woman. The doula's knowledge and experience contributes to the calm that is needed for a woman to birth normally in awareness. She has suggestions for fathers and others on how they can participate with confidence. As one father said, " I heaved a big sigh of relief when she (the doula) walked in. I hadn't realized how much pressure I had been feeling. She not only calmed my wife, she calmed me down."

No matter how much training, education and experience even the best doula may have, the father still has something no one else can offer - love. The mother needs to feel the father's love, caring, sense of connection, responsibility and sense of sharing in the intimate experience of bringing their child into the world. The doula can help by freeing the father from many of the technical tasks of labor support to allow him to do what only he can do best...love his baby's mother.

The loving support of a partner can have a very positive effect on the relationship. At six weeks postpartum, 85% of women supported by doulas say they are satisfied with their partner and 71% say the relationship is better after the birth. In contrast, only 65% and 49%, respectively, of women who did not have a doula say they are satisfied with or have a better relationship with their partners.

When two people share an emotional bond and an ongoing relationship, it is very difficult for that companion to remain constantly objective, calm and removed from the mother's fears, pain or unexpected outcomes. In no other area of the hospital is a family member asked to take on such a significant caregiving role as in childbirth. The relief of having an experienced person present enables the father to be much more relaxed, loving, and emotionally available than when he carries all the responsibility for labor support.

Mom and Dad wait to welcome Jacob into the world

His strength gives her strength

Proud parents welcome their new son, Andrew